Thursday, September 20, 2007

Old Korean guys honestly don't have penises

That top photo basically sums up just about every experience I've had at tinpan in Hongdae. I get there and there's nobody dancing on the tables. I promise myself that I will not get on the table under any circumstances. But incredibly enough, after double fisting a couple jack and cokes and just a little peer pressure, well, that picture is what happens. They really shouldn't let people dance on the tables at that place. Since it's not really a table, but a two foot wide bar, and people tend to keep their drinks on top of it. Also, take a look at the girl hanging from the pole in the other photo, I almost wanted her to fall and die. Almost. But I've done the same thing. Basically it's just a terrible terrible place. (That I love).

I went to the gym here for the last time today. Somehow I made it an entire month, I really didn't think that was possible based on past observations of myself. My body fat percentage dropped from 13.8 to 9.3, which is amazing considering how much ice cream and sausage egg mcmuffins i eat. My body is still pathetic but I like to think I could beat up a 12 year old girl now, or at least keep it close. So, goodbye, gym, I probably won't be near one of you again for a solid 5 years.

Tomorrow was supposed to be my last day at the gym, but another awful work event has taken its place. The new Korean teacher, who is actually friendly to me and Nathan and makes an effort to treat us like humans and not white circus animals, suggested that the whole office go to Outback tomorrow for lunch since a five-day weekend is on tap for Korean thanksgiving. While this might be a nice thing for other places/offices, going out to eat with the office at my school is usually worse than getting your man-sack chomped on by a bulldog. Honestly, I'm not sure which I prefer. The worst part is that since it's for lunch, I can't get trashed, which is usually the only way I can remain even partially insane for these events.

One would think that with only a few weeks remaining here, or 7 more work days, I'd be able to just coast through my classes, happy to finally be able to see the end. Turns out, not true. Today I threw a kids notebook across the room. I wanted to hit him in the head, but I suspect not doing so was for the best. I'm trying to keep my brain on about 25 percent power at work, but even though I'm ready to relax and call it quits, kids are still kids and Korean kids still treat foreign teachers like they're some homeless guy lying on the side of the street. The racist attitude is branded into these kids at an early age, all for the purpose of setting them up to fit right in with their awful parents when they get older.

I spend most of my time in class now explaining to the kids what English words are curses and which ones are acceptable. Example, today I taught them that "Oh, shut" was fine to say when frustrated or upset and that "Oh, shit" should never be used, when adults are around. They have been having some trouble understanding how "Son of a Bitch" works though. First, they pronounce "bitch" as "beach" so I had to get them over that and make sure they knew how to spell and say bitch. Next, since most of them never heard the word "bitch" before one of their douchebag friends told them about "son of a bitch", they don't understand that the word "bitch" on its own is in fact a bad word. After I told them to stop saying s.o.b., they simply just starting shouting "Son of a" or just "Bitch". This does not work. One girl, in an attempt to annoy me, wrote on the board simply "Ryan= Son". I have never been less offended when someone has tried to insult me. So these kids have some serious work to do if they are ever going to properly curse someone out in English. I think I've at least explained the basics to them, the good words and the bad words. But they might need another lesson. At the end of class today, when they finally understood that bitch was a bad word, one kid said, "What about fuck?"

I've probably got two more blogs in me before I head home, which is a damn relief at this point, who is reading this crap, really? But more importantly, I have a solid 8-9 days of drinking left to do in this country. Because if there's one thing I haven't done enough of in Korea, it's drink soju alone in my apartment and blackout. The bartender at Showbar, who has grabbed my ass at least 5 dozen times, kissed my hand last weekend. And then, since I was drunk, and I'm gay, I kissed his hand. The bartenders said they are going to have a going away party for me, and if that does actually happen, I just can't imagine returning to America as an anal virgin anymore.


Blogger Maikel said...

Hey man you might not think that anyone is reading your blog, but at least I know I am. I have been keeping up w/ your blog for maybe 8 months now. I am going to Korea for Christmas to see some of my close friends there. Obviously I will never hear anything bad about that place from my friends, so you are the only source that let's me know the other side of the story.
I wished that you posted more blogs.
Good luck.

5:02 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

yo, where is that tinpan place and how come we never went to it?

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