"Teacher, do you like to masturbate?" That one is real.

Video- the small girl in the pink t-shirt is pure evil. prior to this video, she had already smashed me in the balls twice when i wasn't paying attention.

One month. Solid. I'm starting the mail-it-in period at work. Which means a lot of hangman and also a lot of kids drawing pictures of me on the board with a beard and turban and labeling me "Taliban". During a use a verb in a sentence with a different tense thingy, one student insisted on saying "I love Jason. I loved Jason. I will love Jason." He insisted he was not gay, although Jason was clearly embarrassed by these homoerotic gestures. I told that class to make up a story for homework and I already know one of the topics is going to be "Ryan is gay." I know this because at the end of class one girl said "I'm going to write about how Ryan is gay." I'm cool with that, though. If these kids can write a story in English, I don't care what it's about.

Last week, two students, twins, came into the office and said "Teacher, do you know masturbate?"I made them repeat it about six times before my brain was able to acknowledge what was going on. They said they learned it from a friend, and even though I don't think they know exactly what it means (One of them asked today if "masturbate is a movie?", they think its hilarious because I turn red whenever they say it. Actually, now that I think about, one student did ask me "Does masturbate feel good?" Too much. Even for me. These kids are 10 years old. I didn't even know I had a penis when I was 10.

I've cut out drinking during the week, even though I wasn't really doing much of it before anyway. Wait, actually, I got drunk last night. But that doesn't count because I was out with my co-workers and the alcoholics who work at the front desk kept pouring beer in my glass. I can not be to blame for that. But anyway, the result of this lifestyle change has only been to make me blackout more on the weekends. I have to make up those missed beers somehow. So that happened last Friday night when apparently I met a bunch of Koreans at a bar, hung out with them for a couple hours. Then I went back to the same place on Saturday, saw the same people again and had no clue that I had met them the night before. If that doesn't make me a terrible person, then I don't know.....screw it, I'm terrible.

The Korean government, and therefore, a large majority of Koreans have no clue how the world works. In order to get the hostages released in Afghanistan, they basically exposed their vagina and fucked over the rest of civilization. Sure, remove our troops, no problem. Want a hospital? We'll build that if you want. $20 million? It's all yours. All Koreans care about is other Koreans, and they don't even do a very good job at taking care of each other. I guarantee if the offer from the Taliban was "We'll release the 20 Korean hostages in exchange for the deaths of 500 " the Korean government jump on with a full hard-on. I wish I was exaggerating, but that is a fact. That is how this country operates and that's the mindset of most of its people.

Even though I'm more than ready to go home, it's kind of scary. Home means real life decisions and crap. Sign a contract and teach in Korea for a year and all you need to worry about is showing up for a work less than an hour late and remembering to brush your teeth. At home I'll have to get a car and crap. I don't even remember how to drive. Thankfully I do remember how to play video games and sit on the couch all day, and if there's one thing Korea has taught me over the last year, it's that I love videos games and the couch. And I'm sure they miss me too.