Korea Everyday Same Same

I love it when two Koreans walk into each other on the sidewalk. They both shoot their best evil glance at the other. What neither of them can understand and what I would love to yell at them each time this happens is "Look, you are both retarded. That's OK. You were born this way, but accidents are going to happen when you walk with your head down in a constant zig-zag motion." Walking to work today, I made an attempt to pass a young Korean guy. Just as I caught up, instead of moving in the other direction, he in fact decides it'd be a good idea to move closer to me, which caused some serious man-on-man hand touching action. Not what I'm going for an hour after waking up on Monday. I'm seriously contemplating quarantining myself in my apartment whenever it rains as the only thing more dangerous than trying to cross a street with a million Koreans is trying to cross a street with a million Koreans carrying umbrellas. They should at least sell Korean-proof umbrellas, maybe put some padding on those medal rods that have many times nearly ended my quarter century of eyesight.

I don't mean to sound racist here, but every Korean should probably be paired up with a white person. Like some kind of buddy system, where the white person's only job is to make sure the Korean doesn't put a kid's life in danger. Everyday I see at least five motorbikes go by with a helmet-less child somewhere on it. Look, if you put a 5-year-old on a motorcycle without a helmet and then weave into traffic in a major city, you shouldn't have that kid. And you should probably check yourself into the nearest hospital. It's like Dear Korea, if you want to be recognized as a civilized society, you need to actually start doing civilized things.

Friday night was Bender's last trip to Club Night so we celebrated by doing the same thing we do every club night, getting train-wrecked. I didn't spray any white liquid onto Bender's pants this time, mainly just because someone didn't give me white liquid to spray. You have to be careful at bars, and especially clubs in Korea, when you leave a drink at the bar. Not because someone might drug it or even drink it, but because the bartenders seem to enjoy pouring out half-full glasses. I couldn't have been more than two sips into a gin and tonic when I turned around and it was gone. I did my best miming to the girl behind the bar, who in turn pointed to another girl behind the bar, I think meaning that girl had ditched my drink. So I did what I always do when confronted with frustrating Korean people. I twirled my finger next to my ear, told her she was crazy and walked away. (Side note- There's a 75 percent chance I had finished the drink and I'm an idiot)

Anyway, I spent most of the time at the club standing up on stage by myself flashing some kind of homosexual surfer's sign with my hand up in the air. Every few minutes an Indian guy back in the crowd would look up and give me the attention I was craving. Sadly, my desire to turn everyone in the club gay didn't work out so much. On the bright side, I didn't get thrown off the stage like usual.

One of my classes continues to act more immature than me, and that's tough to do, even for 9 year olds. They constantly ask me questions like "Do you want to die or girlfriend's clothes blow away (insert boob honking gesture here)"? Sadly, I always have to choose die in these situations. I also should not have answered the question "Do you want to kill America or kill Korea?" That was some hardcore screaming. I love that class though and I'm not teaching them starting with the new semester on Friday. I'm hoping the school will get a ton of complaints like "The new teacher won't allow my son to point to his junk all class and yell out the Korean word for penis." I'm sure I'll get them back.

Oh, then there was this classic from last month:
Me: What can you buy with a credit card?
Student #1: People
Me: You can't buy people.
Student #2: You can buy black people.

Awww, Koreans hate black people. Their blatant racism is so darn cute.

Weekend Terribleness Update: McDonalds-1, KFC- 1, Ice Cream- 2, Custard Pie things- 5, Nerds- 1, Packs of Skittles- 2, Girls- 0.