If they served McDonalds breakfast all the time, I would be 600 pounds.

The textbook for one of my middle school classes is designed for college students and this always leads to awkward situations in class. "Teacher, what does cleavage mean?" Ask your mom to show you, kid, I'm not touching that. One of the suggested writing topics today was to choose a side on the debate of "Should colleges hand out free condoms to students?" First of all, I don't think Koreans learn about condoms until they're 35, and also, it's one thing if the kids already know the meaning, but if a 13 year old asks you to explain what a condom is, especially if I'm the person who will be doing the explaining, either the kid is going to be traumatized, I'm going to jail, or both.

My buddy Jacob got his leg busted open by a cab last week. Now it's one thing if you're walking around in the middle of the road, but he was standing on the side, when the cab driver just lost complete control the car, brake failure or something, and ran over him and his girlfriend. The girlfriend escaped with a few bruises, but Jacob is holed up in the hospital for a while. That's a picture above of him pounding the soju bottle outside the hospital. If you're in the hospital here, you're still free to leave whenever you want. Broken arm? Bleeding from the head? Doesn't matter. Just keep your IV and wheel this bag around and you can go outside, have a cigarette, go to the local bar. You just can't get out of your hospital bed in America and be like "Hey, I'm leaving." Well, maybe you can, but I've never seen someone rolling around an IV or pushing it into a 7-11, and if I ever do, I can almost guarantee it will be a Korean.

Yesterday was some holiday here, memorial day maybe, which just meant saturday night activities on a tuesday night. in one of the funniest things i've seen here, as we're sitting at the bar at woodstock, talking to a couple of Koreans, one of them, the girl, suddenly just falls backwards out of her chair. yeah, it's not that funny when it's a normal chair, at least two kids do it at school everyday. but damn, this was a bar stool, she was a good five feet in the air. i almost died. afterwards, she was quiet the rest of the time, probably suffering from a mild concussion and definite retardation. showbar, where we always go late night to play darts, is my favorite place in suyu, the bartenders are all cool guys, and it's guaranteed that at least one them will be completely tanked. they might hate us though, cause we never order more than one drink there since we've usually already polished off a handful of soju bottles.

what is weird though, is one of the bartenders, Terry, is usually a pretty chill guy, but whenever I leave that place, as I'm walking up the stairs, I get sexually assaulted by Terry. One time as we were paying he thought I said F-you to him, but I explained that I was in fact just saying this to Bender, so we're cool, but then he grabs my ass like three times on the way out. And then the other night, he runs over to the stairs again, and I'm thinking oh shit, he reaches up under my arms and goes to town on my man breasts. It seemed like he was trying to honk them or something. I'm not sure what the deal is, I don't really mind if he wants to play around with my boobs, but on the stairs? Well, that seems a little dangerous.

We went to the Korean War Memorial on Sunday, where a bunch of the photos were taken. Definitely one of the nicer places to see in Seoul. And then we went to Itaewon, definitely the filthiest place in Seoul. Even after 8 months here, we're still idiots and spend countless hours walking around in circles for no reason. There are restaurants everywhere in Seoul, but we'll still look around for the perfect place. And then as an added dose of stupidity, we will end up at a burrito joint. Which is exactly what happened on Sunday.

I'm so sick of Korean food right now. I can only eat like three things without feeling terrible or wanting to slice off my tastebuds. Thai food is the biggest appeal right now of the trip there in a few weeks, I plan on packing on at least 30 pounds while there. Hopefully I can just live off that fat for my last three months here. If ever even catch a glimpse of a piece of kimchi after I leave here, I'm going to rip my eyes out with a rusty nail.